Armaran chapter 9

FIN - Juu, tiedetään, myöhässä. Pahoitteluni siitä. Syitä on monia, pari niistä ihan päteviä. Maanantaina otettu influenssarokote jumitti ja kipeytti olkapään moneksi päiväksi. Tänään on ensimmäinen päivä, kun se ei enää vaivaa. 

Muuten tässä harkitsen mahdollisesti osallistuvani ensi kuussa NaNoWriMoon. Tarina on tavallaan jo valmiina ja vähän hahmoteltunakin, mutta täytyy vielä miettiä, kannattaako se. Saattaisi käydä ainakin niin, että tämä blogi jäisi sitten päivittämättä.

PS. Anteeksi mahdolliset typot. Oikoluku meni enemmän väsyneeksi silmäilyksi.

ENG - Yes, I'm very aware I'm late. Sorry about that, again. There are several reasons, the most important one being the influenza vaccination I got on Monday. It made my shoulder ache for the past days and today is actually the first day it doesn't feel too bad anymore.

On other news, I'm considering taking part in NaNoWriMo come November. I sort of have a story in waiting and I've done some planning, but I still have to think about it. Is it worth it? It would probably mean, that I won't be publishing anything new in this blog the whole month.

PS. My apologies for any and all typoes. I'm not quite as awake as I should be to be able to spot them all.

Armaran chapter 9

Amina woke up energetic and restless. Praie was anxious and it had done all in its power to give her a good rest. It wanted to go see Emma and the baby right away. Amina slouched to the kitchen and lit a fire in the hearth taking her time. Praie was rushing her and coaxing her to skip breakfast. Amina ignored the spirit the best she could. She put the kettle on the fire and reached up to the top cupboard for some bread that had been baked the day before. It was getting a little dry and hard on the cut edge. She thought for a minute and cut several slices of bread and spread jam on all of them. She took out a tray and brew some tea. Eventually, there were five pieces of jam covered bread, three cups, a small pot of honey, and the tea pot on the tray. It was almost too heavy for Amina to carry, but she managed to jolt towards Kros and Emma's bedroom door. She had to stop to think how she would manage to open the door with the heavy tray in her hands, but couldn't think of anything.

The door opened just as she was about to put the tray down on the floor for a minute. Messy-haired Kros was standing in the doorway and he nearly tripped over her. ”Morning,” he said, a little surprised. It was obvious he hadn't had much sleep.

Amina gave him a brisk smile. ”I was just thinking you must be hungry,” she said and managed to lift the tray a little more.

Kros returned her smile and took the tray from her and put it down on the bedroom table. The room was still messy and smelled of blood.

Amina stepped in carefully and looked at Emma, who was lying on the bed, facing the opposite wall.

”We haven't thought of a name yet,” Kros told her as he was pouring tea for everyone. ”He's so very small but the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen.”

Amina dared a few steps closer to Emma. The woman was still quiet and facing the wall.

”She won't let go of him even for a second,” Kros smirked and went around the bed. He placed a mug on a chair next to the bed and reached his arms towards Emma. She moved a little just as Kros drew the baby from her arms.

Emma mumbled something but Amina couldn't make out the words.

”Amina brought us some breakfast. I'll hold the boy so you can eat,” Kros said in a soft and loving voice as he was holding the baby very gently.

Emma lifted herself in a sitting-position on the edge of the bed and reached for the mug. ”Amina?” she said in a coarse voice.

”I'm here. I made some sandwiches,” Amina replied quickly. It took almost all of her concentration to keep Praie at bay.

”Thank you... Could you bring me a sandwich? I don't know if I'm strong enough to stand yet,” Emma asked.

Amina rushed to the tray and picked the sandwich with the most jam on it. She walked around the bed and held it out. It was only then that she saw Emma's face for the first time. She had never seen anyone so tired and worn out, it was nothing in comparison to how Emma and Kros had both been exhausted some months before. Amina bit her lip and swallowed.

Emma was moving slowly as she took the sandwich from Amina with a grateful but tired smile. ”You're always so kind to me.”

Amina felt she might start to cry at any moment if she had to look at the traces of suffering on Emma's face any longer.

Kros woke her from her shock. ”Could you go and wash your hands? And be sure to wash them good. Then you can hold your little cousin.”

Amina looked into Kros's eyes with disbelief. The elation of Praie was bubbling inside her and it wanted to raise her hand towards the baby right away, but Amina told it not to. Kros had just told her to wash her hands. She ran to the bathroom and poured a lot of water in a basin. She rubbed soap on her hands for a full minute and rinsed them three times. Amina returned to the bedroom in a calm state of mind. Praie was under her control, as Kros instructed her how to hold the newborn and carefully placed the small life on her arms. Praie was smart enough not to try anything. The baby was small, soft, and warm. Amina stared at his face for a long time: tiny round nose, soft cheeks, his eyes tightly shut, and mouth slightly pouting. He was calm on her arms. Amina gave Praie permission to listen to his heart, which was now beating harder than before. It was on its own now. Amina touched his cheek with her fingertips. Praie shivered with excitement as it felt her touch through the baby. Amina smiled. Maybe she would manage with Praie and it would learn to behave, as it would have to be very careful with something as fragile and innocent as a newborn. If it behaved well, Amina would let it touch the baby. Praie didn't reply.

Amina looked up at Emma and Kros. Emma had placed her head on the pillow and Kros was tending to his wife the best he could, asking if she needed more tea or food, if she needed anything else, or if there was something else he could to to make her feel better.

”I can get some warm water and a towel. Maybe washing your face makes you feel a little better,” Amina suggested to Emma.

Emma smiled and nodded.

Amina handed the baby over to Kros, who took him gently. Amina scurried back to the bathroom and poured some clean water in a basin. Then she took the basin to the kitchen and poured some hot water into the colder water. She carried the basin to the bedroom and ran out again to get a clean towel. As she returned to the bedroom again, she heard a knock on the door. ”Someone's at the door,” she said to Kros as she handed the towel to Emma.

Kros seemed reluctant to let go of the baby, as Emma was tending to herself, so Amina went to open the door. One of the ladies from the neighbourhood smiled warmly at her and enquired after Emma. Amina asked her to come in. ”Could you wait a moment? I'm gonna get more water so you can wash your hands,” Amina blurted out and ran off without waiting for an answer. She dashed to the bathroom and grabbed two buckets and then onwards to the backyard where their well was. She pumped the buckets full as fast as she could. She couldn't run back into the house because of the weight of the water, but she walked as fast as she could and cursed in her mind all the spilt water.

The neighbour had gone to the bedroom door and was talking with Kros and Emma, but she came straight to Amina as she returned and thanked her kindly for going through the trouble of getting her more water. She washed her hands and went straight to Emma. Kros left the ladies to themselves and closed the door after him. He smiled at Amina.

”You didn't sleep too much, did you?” Amina asked.

Kros laughed. ”I couldn't. They are both so beautiful,” he replied and brushed his fingers through his hair.

In the spur of the moment, Amina hugged Kros. She was so happy to see him happy even though he was tired.

Kros returned her hug with a short but gentle bearhold.

Praie was confused. Why wasn't Amina as worried about Kros being very tired now as she had been the previous autumn? Why was it good to stay awake all night? Amina wondered whether the spirit was stupid or ignorant. Did it not understand that even when you are tired, you can be so very happy, that you can't sleep?

”I have to go buy some meat,” Kros said a little wistfully.

Amina giggled. ”I'm sure Emma's fine with it. And I'm here, in case she needs anything,” she promised.

Kros left the house reluctantly, and Amina snuck to the bedroom door to listen. She couldn't make out the words. Praie tried to sneak her hand towards the door handle. Amina fired up immediately because she didn't like the selfishness of Praie's action and she ran to her room. Amina was also mad at herself for believing even a moment that the spirit had learned to behave.

***

In the afternoon, Kros came to find Amina, as she had not left her room since before noon. He was a little bit worried about her well-being as she hadn't eaten anything after breakfast.

Amina was very hungry but she was determined to punish Praie. At first, Praie had tried to make her feel even hungrier in hope of making her leave the room, but eventually it gave up and eased her feeling instead. Amina was feeling weak but she was happy about her victory over the spirit, because she had managed to stay stationary on her floor sitting on her legs for most of the time. To Kros, she explained she didn't want to disturb the baby, as it had been all quiet and she had thought he was asleep.

Kros laughed out loud. ”Is your door really that thick? The little one has cried twice in the last hour alone. You really didn't hear that?”

Amina smiled vaguely. She got up slowly and walked to the kitchen with rigid feet.

Emma was sitting at the table and chopping vedgetables. She smiled at Amina.

Amina was relieved because the woman didn't look quite as exhausted as she had done in the morning. ”Can I help with something?” she asked.

Emma asked her to stir the stew on the hearth and drop the chopped vedgetables in it as soon as she had finished cutting them.

Amina made a side-ways glance into the corner behind Emma. The cradle had been placed there. Praie tried to pull her towards the corner, but she resisted. Stupid Gahim. Because of it, something bad could happen to the baby.

They had a calm dinner even though Emma had to take the baby to the bedroom to calm down. Their everyday life was as usual, with the only exception of having one more member to the family.

In the evening, Amina asked Emma shyly how she was feeling. Emma was still tired but denied that she might be too exhausted to take care of the chores.

Amina argued about it and promised to do all the housework until Emma looked energetic again.

Even though Kros didn't want Amina to exert herself, he agreed that Emma needed rest and time to take care of the baby, and Amina was of great help.

Eventually, Emma yielded but she made Emma swear to tell her whenever she was tired and wouldn't do any more.

Everyone went to bed satisfied with the day and were waiting with much anticipation all the coming days.

***

Over the first few weeks, Amina avoided touching the baby as much as she could, even though she had to hold him every now and then when Emma and Kros had other things to do. Amina threathened Praie with everything she could think of – ripping out her own eyes, cutting her arms – unless it stopped fumbling after the baby. The spirit didn't show its feelings, but for most of the time Amina spent near the baby, it behaved rather well.

When he was 20 days old, the baby was given a name: Kragu. A man with the same name had lived several centuries before and had been a warlord and Kahtal, much like General Stenvil. Almost all of the residents of Groshna came to give their well-wishes to the new villager, and Amina spent most of the day indoors. She wanted to go to her room and read the answer she had received from Jared, but Emma and Kros needed her help in the main room with the guests. The hero of the day himself spent most of the day asleep and unaware of the commotion, save a few times he cried his hunger or other distress. Praie was too curious about all the other people to acknowledge the baby much, which was one of the few things that helped Amina calm down a little.

Most of the people left at sundown. Amina promised to escort an elderly couple to their house which was a little way outside of the village. She covered herself with a thick scarf and lit a lantern. The elderly couple were slow walkers and supported each other as they went, and Amina didn't mind the leisurely pace. She finally had some time to think about everything that had happened that day and the fresh air was wonderful to breathe.

Amina walked back a little faster even though she wasn't in a hurry.

Night had fallen and the only light came from her lantern. Or did it? Amina tensed and stopped for a moment. Her breathing steamed in front of her and blurred the view as she lifted the lantern a little higher to see further ahead. Something was twinkling in the air. Amina sighed in relief. It was snowing. Nothing dangerous after all. She picked up her pace again and as she was approaching the town, wondered whether she should visit the graveyard or not. It was a little longer a way to walk, but not significantly. She hadn't gone there once since the baby was born. Amina stopped again. This time the flash she saw wasn't the twinkling of the snowflakes in the light.

Fiery but pale eyes opened again and approached her. Keok. It wasn't the same Keok she had met near her old home. It was still Keok. It might be as unpredictable.

Amina swallowed nervously and hardly noticed she was backing away slowly.

Keok stopped, puzzled, and hissed something softly. It didn't know or couldn't remember how to speak.

Amina took a few deep breaths. ”Gahim arimma hajahka. I am on my way back to the village.”

Keok tilted its head. It didn't answer. It had probably just wandered to the area.

Amina tried to think hard about what to do. ”You can walk with me some of the way, but you have no business in town,” she said in a strict voice and passed the spirit quickly. She felt the spirit following her. Amina decided to go to the graveyard. If any Gahim were there, she'd ask them to drive Keok away.

The snow was getting thicker and it was starting to get difficult to see in the dark. The graveyard was deserted and quiet, as if wrapped in cloth. The falling snow sucked in all sound, and Amina was getting nervous because no one would hear her scream, if Keok attacked her. She stopped in front of her family's graves and hummed. The snow was piling on top of the crosses and Amina thought about the previous winter. A few tears fell on her cheeks.

Keok let out a strangled and panicky sound and held its hand out to her face.

Amina lifted her hand in rejection. ”I'm okay. I'm just thinking about my dead family.”

Keok calmed down and stared at the crosses with her.

”There are sometimes many Gahim here. Though, I haven't seen any in a few weeks now,” Amina sighed.

Keok was interested but was still unable to put its thoughts to words.

Amina turned away. ”Come. If you behave, you can sleep behind the smithy tonight. It's always warm there,” she said to Keok who followed her.

Amina felt strange having the spirit follow her, but it wasn't threathening, and she felt a little bit sorry for it because it couldn't speak. She led it behind the smithy and made sure no one could see it. She also made Keok promise that it would leave in the morning before dawn as soon as the light started to increase.

Keok agreed to her request and bowed to her.

Amina went home tired. Her muscles were tense from the cold and excitement, her mind empty and drained after the long day meeting people, talking and getting to know them. Amina fell asleep immediately.

***

During the next few days Amina was exasperated with Praie's behaviour and blamed her meeting with Keok for it. Praie was constantly trying to get to Kragu, and Amina was powerless to resist. She became so frustrated that she ran to her room or out of the house on multiple occasions.

Emma and Kros talked to her calmly from time to time, and she promised and vowed that she wasn't working too hard, as they were about to tell her not to do anything for a while.

One morning, Emma and Kros went out on some errand and asked Amina to look after Kragu. As soon as they had left the house, Amina realized she was holding the baby. She was terrified and tried to regain the control over her body. The baby slipped from her hands as Praie lost its control over her muscles, and Kragu was about to fall on the floor, but Amina managed to snatch him in mid-air.

Amina was frozen with horror. What she had feared the most had just happened. Because of Praie, the boy was about to get gravely injured. Amina placed the baby in his cradle carefully and sat down at the table.

”Why we not look at the baby?”

Amina sighed, infuriated. She was not in the mood to listen to the nonsensical babble of the spirit. Of course she wanted to get to know the baby, but not in the way Praie was doing it. She wanted to know the person Kragu would grow up to be. Amina made a painful decision and cried for a long time. She would tell Kros and Emma as soon as they would get back. Before that, she tried to calm down. She walked up to the cradle and picked up the baby. She hummed some of the familiar songs to him. Then she put him back in the cradle and began to tell a story which her parents had told her from an early age.

Kros and Emma came back in the middle of the story and found Amina mumbling on her knees next to the cradle.

Kros smiled. ”Are you already making him a Fatil?” he asked, teasing.

Amina smiled a little. ”I'm sorry, little cousin. You'll here the rest of the story some other time,” she said and stood up on her numb feet.

”Is everything allright?” Emma asked as she sensed Amina's sombre mood.

”I almost dropped Kragu,” Amina moaned and burst in tears.

Kros hugged her, not knowing what to say. ”But luckily you didn't. I'm sure it was an accident. Don't worry. He's just fine.”

Emma picked up the baby. ”I'm sure everyone as far as the Great Roundabout would've heard if he'd gotten hurt,” she tried to console Amina.

Amina managed to regain some of her composure. Praie wasn't helping her calm down. It was very quiet in a far corner of her mind. Maybe it finally realized – even though it was too late – that Amina had been serious about the baby's safety from the very beginning. ”I'm going away,” she said.

Kros and Emma were shocked.

Amina took a deep breath and explained her decision before either one of them had a chance to say anything. She had been worried for a while now about all the dirt she brought into the house after playing with her friends and she didn't want to make the baby sick. She knew she was a burden even though she helped with the housework the best she could. She was also determined to make sure – as Kros refused to use the money they got from the story leather – that they wouldn't be the only ones spending money on her. She strongly believed that it would be beneficial for her to live somewhere else for a while and see a little more of the world. She added that this was only temporary as she loved them and her room too much to leave for good. She'd come back as soon as Kragu was old enough to walk on his own two feet so she wouldn't have to carry him anymore.

Kros let her finish. He sighed. ”It's true that your life costs some money, but everyone's life does – especially children.You are not and have never been a burden to us and we love you very much. If you really want to go somewhere else for a while, you may. But not because you're a burden. Only, if you want it yourself. I can write to some relatives tomorrow but I want you to sleep on this first. Tell me this in the morning with as much conviction as tonight if you can, and I'll believe you,” he said with a serious face.

Amina nodded.

Kros kissed her on the forehead. ”I don't want you to go away if you think you're a burden. You are very dear to us. You are part of our family. You are important to us,” he repeated.

Amina smiled a little and wiped her wet cheeks on her sleeves.

In the morning Amina was still mad at Praie. In honesty, she didn't want to go, but she didn't want to give in to the spirit even once anymore. She told Kros she was still determined to go. It would take a couple of weeks to settle the matter with letters in any case.

Kros wrote to the descendants of his great aunt who lived on the western edge of Armaran.