FIN - Juu, tiedetään, myöhässä. Pahoitteluni siitä. Syitä on monia, pari niistä ihan päteviä. Maanantaina otettu influenssarokote jumitti ja kipeytti olkapään moneksi päiväksi. Tänään on ensimmäinen päivä, kun se ei enää vaivaa.
Muuten tässä harkitsen mahdollisesti osallistuvani ensi kuussa NaNoWriMoon. Tarina on tavallaan jo valmiina ja vähän hahmoteltunakin, mutta täytyy vielä miettiä, kannattaako se. Saattaisi käydä ainakin niin, että tämä blogi jäisi sitten päivittämättä.
PS. Anteeksi mahdolliset typot. Oikoluku meni enemmän väsyneeksi silmäilyksi.
ENG - Yes, I'm very aware I'm late. Sorry about that, again. There are several reasons, the most important one being the influenza vaccination I got on Monday. It made my shoulder ache for the past days and today is actually the first day it doesn't feel too bad anymore.
On other news, I'm considering taking part in NaNoWriMo come November. I sort of have a story in waiting and I've done some planning, but I still have to think about it. Is it worth it? It would probably mean, that I won't be publishing anything new in this blog the whole month.
PS. My apologies for any and all typoes. I'm not quite as awake as I should be to be able to spot them all.
Armaran chapter 9
Amina woke up energetic
and restless. Praie was anxious and it had done all in its power to
give her a good rest. It wanted to go see Emma and the baby right
away. Amina slouched to the kitchen and lit a fire in the hearth
taking her time. Praie was rushing her and coaxing her to skip
breakfast. Amina ignored the spirit the best she could. She put the
kettle on the fire and reached up to the top cupboard for some bread
that had been baked the day before. It was getting a little dry and
hard on the cut edge. She thought for a minute and cut several slices
of bread and spread jam on all of them. She took out a tray and brew
some tea. Eventually, there were five pieces of jam covered bread,
three cups, a small pot of honey, and the tea pot on the tray. It was
almost too heavy for Amina to carry, but she managed to jolt towards
Kros and Emma's bedroom door. She had to stop to think how she would
manage to open the door with the heavy tray in her hands, but
couldn't think of anything.
The door opened just as
she was about to put the tray down on the floor for a minute.
Messy-haired Kros was standing in the doorway and he nearly tripped
over her. ”Morning,” he said, a little surprised. It was obvious
he hadn't had much sleep.
Amina gave him a brisk
smile. ”I was just thinking you must be hungry,” she said and
managed to lift the tray a little more.
Kros returned her smile
and took the tray from her and put it down on the bedroom table. The
room was still messy and smelled of blood.
Amina stepped in
carefully and looked at Emma, who was lying on the bed, facing the
opposite wall.
”We haven't thought
of a name yet,” Kros told her as he was pouring tea for everyone.
”He's so very small but the most beautiful little boy I have ever
seen.”
Amina dared a few steps
closer to Emma. The woman was still quiet and facing the wall.
”She won't let go of
him even for a second,” Kros smirked and went around the bed. He
placed a mug on a chair next to the bed and reached his arms towards
Emma. She moved a little just as Kros drew the baby from her arms.
Emma mumbled something
but Amina couldn't make out the words.
”Amina brought us
some breakfast. I'll hold the boy so you can eat,” Kros said in a
soft and loving voice as he was holding the baby very gently.
Emma lifted herself in
a sitting-position on the edge of the bed and reached for the mug.
”Amina?” she said in a coarse voice.
”I'm here. I made
some sandwiches,” Amina replied quickly. It took almost all of her
concentration to keep Praie at bay.
”Thank you... Could
you bring me a sandwich? I don't know if I'm strong enough to stand
yet,” Emma asked.
Amina rushed to the
tray and picked the sandwich with the most jam on it. She walked
around the bed and held it out. It was only then that she saw Emma's
face for the first time. She had never seen anyone so tired and worn
out, it was nothing in comparison to how Emma and Kros had both been
exhausted some months before. Amina bit her lip and swallowed.
Emma was moving slowly
as she took the sandwich from Amina with a grateful but tired smile.
”You're always so kind to me.”
Amina felt she might
start to cry at any moment if she had to look at the traces of
suffering on Emma's face any longer.
Kros woke her from her
shock. ”Could you go and wash your hands? And be sure to wash them
good. Then you can hold your little cousin.”
Amina looked into
Kros's eyes with disbelief. The elation of Praie was bubbling inside
her and it wanted to raise her hand towards the baby right away, but
Amina told it not to. Kros had just told her to wash her hands. She
ran to the bathroom and poured a lot of water in a basin. She rubbed
soap on her hands for a full minute and rinsed them three times.
Amina returned to the bedroom in a calm state of mind. Praie was
under her control, as Kros instructed her how to hold the newborn and
carefully placed the small life on her arms. Praie was smart enough
not to try anything. The baby was small, soft, and warm. Amina stared
at his face for a long time: tiny round nose, soft cheeks, his eyes
tightly shut, and mouth slightly pouting. He was calm on her arms.
Amina gave Praie permission to listen to his heart, which was now
beating harder than before. It was on its own now. Amina touched his
cheek with her fingertips. Praie shivered with excitement as it felt
her touch through the baby. Amina smiled. Maybe she would manage with
Praie and it would learn to behave, as it would have to be very
careful with something as fragile and innocent as a newborn. If it
behaved well, Amina would let it touch the baby. Praie didn't reply.
Amina looked up at Emma
and Kros. Emma had placed her head on the pillow and Kros was tending
to his wife the best he could, asking if she needed more tea or food,
if she needed anything else, or if there was something else he could
to to make her feel better.
”I can get some warm
water and a towel. Maybe washing your face makes you feel a little
better,” Amina suggested to Emma.
Emma smiled and nodded.
Amina handed the baby
over to Kros, who took him gently. Amina scurried back to the
bathroom and poured some clean water in a basin. Then she took the
basin to the kitchen and poured some hot water into the colder water.
She carried the basin to the bedroom and ran out again to get a clean
towel. As she returned to the bedroom again, she heard a knock on the
door. ”Someone's at the door,” she said to Kros as she handed the
towel to Emma.
Kros seemed reluctant
to let go of the baby, as Emma was tending to herself, so Amina went
to open the door. One of the ladies from the neighbourhood smiled
warmly at her and enquired after Emma. Amina asked her to come in.
”Could you wait a moment? I'm gonna get more water so you can wash
your hands,” Amina blurted out and ran off without waiting for an
answer. She dashed to the bathroom and grabbed two buckets and then
onwards to the backyard where their well was. She pumped the buckets
full as fast as she could. She couldn't run back into the house
because of the weight of the water, but she walked as fast as she
could and cursed in her mind all the spilt water.
The neighbour had gone
to the bedroom door and was talking with Kros and Emma, but she came
straight to Amina as she returned and thanked her kindly for going
through the trouble of getting her more water. She washed her hands
and went straight to Emma. Kros left the ladies to themselves and
closed the door after him. He smiled at Amina.
”You didn't sleep too
much, did you?” Amina asked.
Kros laughed. ”I
couldn't. They are both so beautiful,” he replied and brushed his
fingers through his hair.
In the spur of the
moment, Amina hugged Kros. She was so happy to see him happy even
though he was tired.
Kros returned her hug
with a short but gentle bearhold.
Praie was confused. Why
wasn't Amina as worried about Kros being very tired now as she had
been the previous autumn? Why was it good to stay awake all night?
Amina wondered whether the spirit was stupid or ignorant. Did it not
understand that even when you are tired, you can be so very happy,
that you can't sleep?
”I have to go buy
some meat,” Kros said a little wistfully.
Amina giggled. ”I'm
sure Emma's fine with it. And I'm here, in case she needs anything,”
she promised.
Kros left the house
reluctantly, and Amina snuck to the bedroom door to listen. She
couldn't make out the words. Praie tried to sneak her hand towards
the door handle. Amina fired up immediately because she didn't like
the selfishness of Praie's action and she ran to her room. Amina was
also mad at herself for believing even a moment that the spirit had
learned to behave.
***
In the afternoon, Kros
came to find Amina, as she had not left her room since before noon.
He was a little bit worried about her well-being as she hadn't eaten
anything after breakfast.
Amina was very hungry
but she was determined to punish Praie. At first, Praie had tried to
make her feel even hungrier in hope of making her leave the room, but
eventually it gave up and eased her feeling instead. Amina was
feeling weak but she was happy about her victory over the spirit,
because she had managed to stay stationary on her floor sitting on
her legs for most of the time. To Kros, she explained she didn't want
to disturb the baby, as it had been all quiet and she had thought he
was asleep.
Kros laughed out loud.
”Is your door really that thick? The little one has cried twice in
the last hour alone. You really didn't hear that?”
Amina smiled vaguely.
She got up slowly and walked to the kitchen with rigid feet.
Emma was sitting at the
table and chopping vedgetables. She smiled at Amina.
Amina was relieved
because the woman didn't look quite as exhausted as she had done in
the morning. ”Can I help with something?” she asked.
Emma asked her to stir
the stew on the hearth and drop the chopped vedgetables in it as soon
as she had finished cutting them.
Amina made a side-ways
glance into the corner behind Emma. The cradle had been placed there.
Praie tried to pull her towards the corner, but she resisted. Stupid
Gahim. Because of it, something bad could happen to the baby.
They had a calm dinner
even though Emma had to take the baby to the bedroom to calm down.
Their everyday life was as usual, with the only exception of having
one more member to the family.
In the evening, Amina
asked Emma shyly how she was feeling. Emma was still tired but denied
that she might be too exhausted to take care of the chores.
Amina argued about it
and promised to do all the housework until Emma looked energetic
again.
Even though Kros didn't
want Amina to exert herself, he agreed that Emma needed rest and time
to take care of the baby, and Amina was of great help.
Eventually, Emma
yielded but she made Emma swear to tell her whenever she was tired
and wouldn't do any more.
Everyone went to bed
satisfied with the day and were waiting with much anticipation all
the coming days.
***
Over the first few
weeks, Amina avoided touching the baby as much as she could, even
though she had to hold him every now and then when Emma and Kros had
other things to do. Amina threathened Praie with everything she could
think of – ripping out her own eyes, cutting her arms – unless it
stopped fumbling after the baby. The spirit didn't show its feelings,
but for most of the time Amina spent near the baby, it behaved rather
well.
When he was 20 days
old, the baby was given a name: Kragu. A man with the same name had
lived several centuries before and had been a warlord and Kahtal,
much like General Stenvil. Almost all of the residents of Groshna
came to give their well-wishes to the new villager, and Amina spent
most of the day indoors. She wanted to go to her room and read the
answer she had received from Jared, but Emma and Kros needed her help
in the main room with the guests. The hero of the day himself spent
most of the day asleep and unaware of the commotion, save a few times
he cried his hunger or other distress. Praie was too curious about
all the other people to acknowledge the baby much, which was one of
the few things that helped Amina calm down a little.
Most of the people left
at sundown. Amina promised to escort an elderly couple to their house
which was a little way outside of the village. She covered herself
with a thick scarf and lit a lantern. The elderly couple were slow
walkers and supported each other as they went, and Amina didn't mind
the leisurely pace. She finally had some time to think about
everything that had happened that day and the fresh air was wonderful
to breathe.
Amina walked back a
little faster even though she wasn't in a hurry.
Night had fallen and
the only light came from her lantern. Or did it? Amina tensed and
stopped for a moment. Her breathing steamed in front of her and
blurred the view as she lifted the lantern a little higher to see
further ahead. Something was twinkling in the air. Amina sighed in
relief. It was snowing. Nothing dangerous after all. She picked up
her pace again and as she was approaching the town, wondered whether
she should visit the graveyard or not. It was a little longer a way
to walk, but not significantly. She hadn't gone there once since the
baby was born. Amina stopped again. This time the flash she saw
wasn't the twinkling of the snowflakes in the light.
Fiery but pale eyes
opened again and approached her. Keok. It wasn't the same Keok she
had met near her old home. It was still Keok. It might be as
unpredictable.
Amina swallowed
nervously and hardly noticed she was backing away slowly.
Keok stopped, puzzled,
and hissed something softly. It didn't know or couldn't remember how
to speak.
Amina took a few deep
breaths. ”Gahim arimma hajahka. I am on my way back to the
village.”
Keok tilted its head.
It didn't answer. It had probably just wandered to the area.
Amina tried to think
hard about what to do. ”You can walk with me some of the way, but
you have no business in town,” she said in a strict voice and
passed the spirit quickly. She felt the spirit following her. Amina
decided to go to the graveyard. If any Gahim were there, she'd ask
them to drive Keok away.
The snow was getting
thicker and it was starting to get difficult to see in the dark. The
graveyard was deserted and quiet, as if wrapped in cloth. The falling
snow sucked in all sound, and Amina was getting nervous because no
one would hear her scream, if Keok attacked her. She stopped in front
of her family's graves and hummed. The snow was piling on top of the
crosses and Amina thought about the previous winter. A few tears fell
on her cheeks.
Keok let out a
strangled and panicky sound and held its hand out to her face.
Amina lifted her hand
in rejection. ”I'm okay. I'm just thinking about my dead family.”
Keok calmed down and
stared at the crosses with her.
”There are sometimes
many Gahim here. Though, I haven't seen any in a few weeks now,”
Amina sighed.
Keok was interested but
was still unable to put its thoughts to words.
Amina turned away.
”Come. If you behave, you can sleep behind the smithy tonight. It's
always warm there,” she said to Keok who followed her.
Amina felt strange
having the spirit follow her, but it wasn't threathening, and she
felt a little bit sorry for it because it couldn't speak. She led it
behind the smithy and made sure no one could see it. She also made
Keok promise that it would leave in the morning before dawn as soon
as the light started to increase.
Keok agreed to her
request and bowed to her.
Amina went home tired.
Her muscles were tense from the cold and excitement, her mind empty
and drained after the long day meeting people, talking and getting to
know them. Amina fell asleep immediately.
***
During the next few
days Amina was exasperated with Praie's behaviour and blamed her
meeting with Keok for it. Praie was constantly trying to get to
Kragu, and Amina was powerless to resist. She became so frustrated
that she ran to her room or out of the house on multiple occasions.
Emma and Kros talked to
her calmly from time to time, and she promised and vowed that she
wasn't working too hard, as they were about to tell her not to do
anything for a while.
One morning, Emma and
Kros went out on some errand and asked Amina to look after Kragu. As
soon as they had left the house, Amina realized she was holding the
baby. She was terrified and tried to regain the control over her
body. The baby slipped from her hands as Praie lost its control over
her muscles, and Kragu was about to fall on the floor, but Amina
managed to snatch him in mid-air.
Amina was frozen with
horror. What she had feared the most had just happened. Because of
Praie, the boy was about to get gravely injured. Amina placed the
baby in his cradle carefully and sat down at the table.
”Why we not look at
the baby?”
Amina sighed,
infuriated. She was not in the mood to listen to the nonsensical
babble of the spirit. Of course she wanted to get to know the baby,
but not in the way Praie was doing it. She wanted to know the person
Kragu would grow up to be. Amina made a painful decision and cried
for a long time. She would tell Kros and Emma as soon as they would
get back. Before that, she tried to calm down. She walked up to the
cradle and picked up the baby. She hummed some of the familiar songs
to him. Then she put him back in the cradle and began to tell a story
which her parents had told her from an early age.
Kros and Emma came back
in the middle of the story and found Amina mumbling on her knees next
to the cradle.
Kros smiled. ”Are you
already making him a Fatil?” he asked, teasing.
Amina smiled a little.
”I'm sorry, little cousin. You'll here the rest of the story some
other time,” she said and stood up on her numb feet.
”Is everything
allright?” Emma asked as she sensed Amina's sombre mood.
”I almost dropped
Kragu,” Amina moaned and burst in tears.
Kros hugged her, not
knowing what to say. ”But luckily you didn't. I'm sure it was an
accident. Don't worry. He's just fine.”
Emma picked up the
baby. ”I'm sure everyone as far as the Great Roundabout would've
heard if he'd gotten hurt,” she tried to console Amina.
Amina managed to regain
some of her composure. Praie wasn't helping her calm down. It was
very quiet in a far corner of her mind. Maybe it finally realized –
even though it was too late – that Amina had been serious about the
baby's safety from the very beginning. ”I'm going away,” she
said.
Kros and Emma were
shocked.
Amina took a deep
breath and explained her decision before either one of them had a
chance to say anything. She had been worried for a while now about
all the dirt she brought into the house after playing with her
friends and she didn't want to make the baby sick. She knew she was a
burden even though she helped with the housework the best she could.
She was also determined to make sure – as Kros refused to use the
money they got from the story leather – that they wouldn't be the
only ones spending money on her. She strongly believed that it would
be beneficial for her to live somewhere else for a while and see a
little more of the world. She added that this was only temporary as
she loved them and her room too much to leave for good. She'd come
back as soon as Kragu was old enough to walk on his own two feet so
she wouldn't have to carry him anymore.
Kros let her finish. He
sighed. ”It's true that your life costs some money, but everyone's
life does – especially children.You are not and have never been a
burden to us and we love you very much. If you really want to go
somewhere else for a while, you may. But not because you're a burden.
Only, if you want it yourself. I can write to some relatives tomorrow
but I want you to sleep on this first. Tell me this in the morning
with as much conviction as tonight if you can, and I'll believe you,”
he said with a serious face.
Amina nodded.
Kros kissed her on the
forehead. ”I don't want you to go away if you think you're a
burden. You are very dear to us. You are part of our family. You are
important to us,” he repeated.
Amina smiled a little
and wiped her wet cheeks on her sleeves.
In the morning Amina
was still mad at Praie. In honesty, she didn't want to go, but she
didn't want to give in to the spirit even once anymore. She told Kros
she was still determined to go. It would take a couple of weeks to
settle the matter with letters in any case.
Kros wrote to the
descendants of his great aunt who lived on the western edge of
Armaran.
